Insane formula taste test!

Due to a few ridiculous traumas, Miss Ada is combo-fed breastmilk and formula. She’s about to be moved on to mostly-formula, mainly because while the world is now fairly accepting of a woman whipping out a boob to feed a baby in Starbucks, it is less prepared for same lady to unpack a hospital-grade breastpump* and start honkin’ away over a gingerbread latte. It’s just not practical if I ever want to leave the house again.

Anyhoo, I’ve been delaying this change while I taste and test All The Baby Formula – if she’s going to eat powder from a can, it’d better damn well taste good. So here you go, my weirdest taste test ever; you’ll see I’ve randomly tried powder and ready mix so far, I’ll update with any more insights and learnings as they arise…

SMA Advanced Gold (powder)
We had these fantastic bottles of sterile SMA ready mix in the house when Ada was born, so this was the first formula she had when everything went bonkers. I’d tasted it and found it fine – like a sweet almond milk, going vaguely fishy if left out too long – so we bought the powder can assuming it’d be the same. WRONG.

Tastes like: Milky metal. Aftertaste of despair and middle class guilt.

Baby verdict: Seems to like it. Weirdo. Makes her breath smell like an old man’s coat pocket.

Cow & Gate First Infant Milk (ready mix)
This is what most NHS hospitals have to hand – high praise indeed! Or perhaps it’s just the cheapest.

Tastes like: Neither cows nor gates. Slightly savoury.

Baby verdict: Likes it. Look, you’ll see a pattern here, she loves them all. This is all purely my hang-up.

Aptamil 1 (ready mix)
I like the adverts for this milk, which suggest it’ll help your child grow up to be a ballerina or engineer. No pressure, kids!

Tastes like: This is the milk that tastes most like breastmilk, so give it a go if you’re curious enough to want to know what that’s like, but not enough of a perv to ask a lactating stranger for a sample.

Baby verdict: Loves it, but it makes her poo her pants. Is this a good thing? I don’t know.

HIPP Organic 1 (powder)
Mumsnetters love this, so thought we’d give it a go. As well as being organic, it’s expensive and comes in an annoying sachet instead of a can. Apparently it’s Big In Germany, like Hasselhoff and white asparagus.

Tastes like: Pretty good! Vaguely metallic, but creamier and sweeter than SMA.

Baby verdict: Likes it. Quelle surprise! Seems to spit up less on it too, hooray. Breastfeeding guilt + Hipster organic cred + £££ + Less vomit = WINNER!

That’s it! I have no idea what you can possibly do with this information!

NOTE: Are you an internet stranger possessed of an overwhelming urge to tell me why I should get Ada back on the boob? Please don’t THANKS 😀

*I always want to use Tina Fey’s memorable term ‘Williams-Sonoma Tit Juicer’.

EDITED TO ADD:

Calpol infant paracetamol
I had to give Ada three doses of this after her 8 week vaccinations. Harrowing.

Tastes like: Synthetic strawberries and tears. The label proudly proclaims it sugar-free, but frankly I’d be more than happy to give the poor baby a bit of sugar to help her cope with her mother shoving a syringe in her mouth as she screams bloody murder after a triple needle-stab.

Baby verdict: Hates it. Poor baby. Poor mama’s baby. See you again in four weeks, Calpol! 😭

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2 Responses to Insane formula taste test!

  1. Haha brilliant! And well done. I had such a horrific time with breastfeeding so my son had formula (it’s the reason babies don’t DIE as much in this country any more). This enabled us to leave the house ever again. This enabled him to grow up super-sociable and making friends easily. This enabled me to justify not having any more kids so I now don’t have to breastfeed ever again. WIN! You’re doing brilliantly – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  2. juliekirk says:

    “Makes her breath smell like an old man’s coat pocket.” Genius. Written that book yet?

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