Conversational autopilot

There are a few phrases I use too much. I’m going to try cutting them out and replacing them with more accurate, less stupid ones.

Old phrase: I’m a noodle.
New phrase: Apologies, I have made a small, amateurish error in my work.

Old phrase: That’s ridiculous!
New phrase: I was temporarily distracted while you were relating the details of your unjust treatment, but share your sense of outrage. Let us now phone your spouse/colleague/ISP and achieve closure, however painful.

Old phrase: POPPET?
New phrase: I’m about to bellow a complex message through at least two supporting walls. I will be irrationally irritated if I have to repeat it.

Old phrase: I must load the dishwasher tonight.
New phrase: You should load the dishwasher immediately.

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